Keith, Lionel, and Turkey

Scene: Meyer’s Petting Zoo. A small, round enclosure. Soft animals are munching green grass.

Enter KEITH, LIONEL, and TURKEY

KEITH.

Now, take your stick and strike.

LIONEL.

But dad-

KEITH.

What?

LIONEL.

The turkey’s taking a nap.

KEITH.

His mistake.

LIONEL.

He’s as big as a T-Rex.

He’ll peck me with his floppy beak,

And claw me with those huge toenails.

KEITH.

You want to be the planet’s biggest mouse,

Forever scurrying from enemies?

The circumstances aren’t yours to choose.

You’ll battle weak and strong throughout your life,

With striking first your only advantage.

Be bold. Be strong. Attack and crush your foe.

Remember Conan the Barbarian!

LIONEL.

Okay dad, I’ll hit the bird.

TURKEY.

Gobble…

LIONEL.

Am I doing it right?

KEITH.

Harder!

TURKEY

Gobble!

Exit TURKEY

LIONEL.

Holy Moley, I think I beat him.

KEITH.

That’s how a Richardson fights,

What a paddling! Great job, son.

Enter TURKEY

TURKEY.

Gobble.

LIONEL.

Dad…

KEITH.

He’s posturing. Saving face.

Show him your courage, Lionel.

TURKEY.

Gobble.

LIONEL.

He’s too big — aaaahhhhh! Ow!

Help! He’s killing me!

KEITH.

(Aside) Egads. That I should live to see today,

My offspring beaten by this barnyard fowl.

He’ll never be a boxer at this rate…

But maybe this: perhaps I’ve pushed too hard.

He’s only eight. When I was eight year old

My own father indulged me far too much,

And left me soft — unready for travails…

LIONEL.

Daaaaad!

KEITH.

(Aside) Enough. My son needs help.

Dad’s on his way. Hang in there, Lionel!